Keinemusikfurdashund (dethcokediscord) wrote,
Keinemusikfurdashund
dethcokediscord

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Choose life.

I'm pretty sure I've used the above words as an LJ topic since Trainspotting is such an awesome fucking movie. However, today's meaning of the phrase has a slightly less sardonic tone. The topic at my Monday meeting was how we choose life. The obvious answer to this question is by attending OA. However, attending meetings is but a single facet of doing the work to take control of your life so there is much more to it.

In my case, coming to OA wasn't the result of hitting a bottom therefor it isn't like I am now choosing life as opposed to dying a little everyday. It isn't as profound for me.

I've always been a happy. little. circle.

All the way back until the time I wasn't. As soon as I remembered that particular time, it occurred to me that THAT was the moment I chose life--back when I used to be a sad sack. A miserable, self-mutilating, self-loather.

There finally came a moment when I realized I needed confidence to survive. Not a diet or exercise plan. I somehow had the instinct to know that changing my body would not solve my problems. I still fully believe that and do not take it as just copping out of doing the work--which is kind of my MO. At that point, I just wasn't ready for the physical work. Change for me always starts from the core.

So yeah. I did that. I took a long and hard road of forcing myself to love myself and it really did change my life. Phase one of Choosing Life complete. With OA, this is phase two. I feel like I have already done half the work that OA does for you by learning to be OK with me for all my flaws and strengths. Now all I have to learn is how to match my body with my spirit and how to take care of this vessel as well as I take care of the passenger within. So again I find myself choosing life by working the program. And the best thing about choosing life is that you get to--and HAVE TO--choose it everyday.
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