Keinemusikfurdashund (dethcokediscord) wrote,
Keinemusikfurdashund
dethcokediscord

  • Mood:

Rager.

I read something interesting today that the compulsion to overeat is a rage response. A temper tantrum. Tonight that made a fuckton of sense to me. Usually when I overeat, it is from a sense of entitlement after stress. "I deserve this. Today sucked." "I've been good all week, I need to treat myself." Really all this is is me throwing a fucking fit over life and overeating to make myself feel better.

When tonight I had the overwhelming urge to snack despite being full, I read some OA stuff like I have heard helps. It didn't. Then I just wanted to punch a goddamn wall. After a good mope, Mark asked me if I could do anything to get my aggression out. I skipped the gym because I had killer cramps and was unable to score a cup of coffee towards the end of my work day to combat the fatigue. This was part of my super bad mood since it would be the first time since coming back to OA that I would have failed at meeting a daily goal. So I did end up forcing myself to work out at home and really do feel better now. I'm glad I didn't cave but I am more scared than ever now. I am only beginning to scratch the surface of how hard managing this addiction is going to be. For the rest of my life. It is tempting to get sucked into that terrible truth. No wonder "one day at a time" is so much more comforting.
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