Keinemusikfurdashund (dethcokediscord) wrote,
Keinemusikfurdashund
dethcokediscord

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Recluse.

I stayed home today for no apparent reason and planted myself on my couch. Watched the Swedish version of Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. Like the Fincher version better, which is completely biased since I always like the first version of every damn movie I see. I really hope this whole self-help thing is not wearing me out. It's bound to but I just hope it doesn't fuck up the rest of my life completely.

At one of the meetings, someone was talking about how they juggle all the things in their life and as soon as they feel that they have all the balls in the air, they come tumbling down. Keeping everything in order at all once never seems to last very long. I'm OK with the fact that something will have to give. For too long, it was my health that was the thing to give. When I was looking for a job, when I was planning my wedding. The only time I seemed to keep this particular ball somewhat in the air was when I was dating, because duh. Gotta be skinny (or less fat) to get that man. But I just hope I can keep most of my life in order while I prioritize this. Which reminds me that I have not touched my guitar all day. Or done much of anything productive. Yikes.

What I HAVE done is managed to comb through the archives of this journal. There is a particular entry I am looking for, a particular conquest at that, but for the most part I have just been milling through everything from the beginning. It's been embarrassing and heart-warming. Honestly, I thought I was done keeping a journal of any kind. I had just become exhausted with writing about my own thoughts. But now that I have all this time to HAVE thoughts and feelings because I am not eating, they have to go somewhere.

Tomorrow I'll go back to work, back to juggling.
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